Here I Go...

The day after getting back from Taos I went to the library and got myself a library card! I was so proud of myself for getting to the library without getting lost, taking the bus myself and having unlimited access to library materials in this city!

I took the bus back down Central, got off at the right stop and started walking back down the Acequias toward the house. It started raining and I wondered if the bag I was carrying would properly protect its contents. I heard foot steps behind me and a low voice said “Excuse me!”, so I stepped to the side to let a person pass me. Only, the person didn’t pass me. He jogged up beside me, turned and started walking me back against the fence. Confused, I kept stepping to the side, and that’s when I saw the gun in his hand.

I’d never had a gun pointed at me before, despite having lived in “high crime” areas of town during most (okay, all) of my adult life. I always assumed it would happen to me at some point and I’ve thought often of what kind of response I would like to have in that situation. When it happened, I couldn’t think much at all. Time seemed to stand still and I struggled to make sense of the words the man was yelling at me. Finally, after what seemed like far too long, I understood he was asking for my bag. I handed it to him and I watched him take off on foot in the direction from which he came. The rain was pouring down harder and I ran the rest of the Acequia to our street.

What to do? How do I protect myself, take care of myself? What are my responsibilities to my neighbors, my community, to this man himself, to his family? How do my values, morals, and faith play into this and how do they dictate my next steps?

I do not believe in our criminal justice system. I do not support police, especially not the Albuquerque Police Department, that has “unnecessarily” killed far too many citizens of late (wait, aren’t all murders unnecessary?). I do not believe that our jails or prisons protect us or that they in anyway help/change/deter folks who commit crimes. I am committed to nonviolence. I am committed to working outside of the police state, outside of our criminal (in)justice system, outside of our prison system. I am a committed disciple of the nonviolent, redeemer Jesus Christ. I believe in reconciliation and redemption. I believe that God works through love and miracles, not through violence, not through guns, not through prisons, not through man-made power structures.I believe that these systems we have created for ourselves necessarily create MORE violence in our society and disallow for reconciliation and redemption (ie giving up violence and recommitting one’s life to positive work).

At the same time, this man has a gun and cornered me, an intentionally unarmed woman. True, he never hurt me, but can I say that he never would have? What responsibilities do I have to my community to keep this man from a violent altercation with another person?

Also, there is the protection of my identity to consider. My ID and bank cards were stolen and my cellphone. My identity could easily be used without my knowledge with this information. Do I want to protect these privileges of mine that so many in this country (and especially this state) are forced to live without? If so, is it possible to protect these privileges of mine without depending on the police, without giving them information that could land an individual in jail or prison?

How do my privileges play into this as a white, middle class, English-speaking citizen? Especially when the person who robbed me is a man of color, whose first language may not have been English, who may not be a citizen? How would this be different if I were a woman of color? If I were a man? If I were not a citizen? If the person who robbed me had been white? Had been a woman?

I wish I could say I considered all of these things before acting, but I didn’t. I stepped off the Acequia and saw a cop car pull around the corner. I waved it down without a thought, sputtered something about a man and a gun and was invited into the backseat. I sat on the hard plastic seat, rainwater pooling around me and I stared at the smooth plastic surface where the inside handle should have been, had this not been a police vehicle.

The police officer asked me where I lived and what had happened. I told her I lived at Trinity House, just down the street, and something clicked in me. I told her I was very sorry, but that I was a Christian and that I could not report this because it could result in the person getting arrested. I repeated this several times until she let me out of the car. She was very nice and very concerned and I appreciated her kindness and how little she tried to pressure me into making the report. She let me walk home.

After many helpful conversations with my current house-mates, I eventually decided to file a police report without identifying information about the man. I’m not quite comfortable with my decision, but at that moment, the privileges that my good credit, my bank account and my identification award me felt more important than refusing to work with the police. It was humbling to admit that and be able to recognize that this was a choice that I made. I did not have to cooperate with the police, I did not have to protect myself. I made a choice to protect the privileges I have as a white, middle class, educated, english-speaking, documented, citizen with a bank account and I can’t get out of responsibility for that.

I wonder what Jesus would have done. Of course, that’s kind of a silly question. Jesus would not have had a computer or a checking account or a cell phone or a digital camera or a credit card or (quite probably) any form of identification. Not (only) because such things did not exist in the time he lived, but because he would have been preaching and teaching against those very instruments of empire!

So, no, Jesus would not have carried those things (and therefore never could have had them stolen from him), but what do Jesus’ teachings require that I do now? How do I learn from this experience and make decisions about how to carry on in my life? What does Jesus teach us about theft, crime and violence and how to respond to it? What does Jesus teach us about creativity in reconcilliation and how can I apply that to this situation (if it isn’t too late) and future situations? How can I take this opportunity to make changes to my life and what I possess to better reflect my values?